serve our Savior. I've attended conferences before, even spoken in them, but never have I felt the presence of Almighty God like I felt Him in that room.
Before arriving I had a desire to write. Three days later, I realized I am called to write. Big difference. My desires arise from my need for fulfillment and attention. Nothing inherantly wrong, just self-focused. A calling is God's desire for me. Much bigger purpose and much more powerful than my small selfish desire. This shift in perspective came with rejection. I walked in armed with a book proposal, facts, figures, and a passionate desire to share my message. I left with a resounding rejection. I call it my amazing rejection.
Pitching this book to an agent and publisher, I thought I had an ace. It covers a timely topic, has all the numbers and research available, and comes at the reader from a unique perspective. Winning elements, right? Yes! The only problem is that this is much larger than a book. It is a ministry! Once again, I think big, God thinks BIGGER! Isaiah 55:9 says My ways are higher than your ways, My thoughts higher than your thoughts. Funny how He works.
On the heels of this amazing rejection, trying to sort out my feelings regarding this calling, I hear Christine Caine speak about hanging out with God in the darkroom. Her message spoke directly to my heart and laid bare all the selfish feelings I battled that weekend. I wanted to sell some books. God wanted me to touch people, lots of people, in a personal, vulnerable way. I wanted to bestow my message, distanced from the ones to whom I write. God wants me in the trenches with them. I want to stay out of that pit, I so recently escaped. God wants me to go back and lead the way. Thanks Christine for reminding me that this is not about me, it is about Him! To Him be the Glory!
I would be remiss to speak of SheSpeaks! 2014 without mentioning the wonderful group of ladies I was privileged to meet in person, though I already knew them and their hearts from Compel and Proverb 31 ministries! The bonds were instant, the laughter easy, and the friendships deep. That small community cheered for each other, cried with one another over successes and rejections, and revealed a depth of love only sisters-in-Christ can share. I love each of them!
It has been a month, I still feel the warmth and caring of that weekend. Thank you for the support and the love! Let's enjoy this adventure together!